the dragon project: first week back at work

i survived my first week back at work... it was hard not to see chubby cheeks during the day. it was also stressful to figure out his feeding and nap schedule and letting go of the control and giving it to the nanny. we can't figure out his routine yet! his naps have been off - longer in the morning and a catnap in the afternoon instead of the other way around. also his eating is not consistent. one day he drank 4 bottles with her and another day only 2! julie texts me all day about his naps and bottles and i think we have to stop that. it's consuming me at work! but i think maki is adjusting better than expected... he only woke up in the middle of the night a couple of times and after mik patted him, he went back to sleep. julie starting 4 weeks ago def helped ease him into things i think. i'm glad he's so chill about the whole transition! now if we could just figure out his schedule...

at work, it's def a pain to squeeze 2 pumping sessions in. i have to drag everything down to the 6th floor lactation room, remove all my clothes, put on the pumping bra, look at his pictures/video if i don't have email to respond to on my blackberry, then wash the pump parts and go back to my office... then repeat once more. there's a chair in the lactation room and it's stained so i pump standing. it was especially painful to pump when we had the all-day leadership offsite last tuesday. there was no other place to pump but the bathroom. gross. i felt like airborne germs were getting into my milk! also lugging the pump to ace hotel was not fun.

nanny sends us pictures of maki everyday so that helps too. most of the time he's smiling in them so i know that he's happy. nanny thinks he's the best baby in the world and she really likes spending time with him. she thinks he's doing great considering i'm not around as much anymore...

this week i was more stressed than ever over my breastmilk - how much i was pumping vs. how much maki is eating. that day he had 4 bottles, i def did not pump as much as he ate that day and it really stressed me out - which doesn't help my milk production. maki eats so much and i can barely keep up with him let alone store any extras in the freezer. it's amazing how much stress we put on ourselves over breastfeeding esp for working mothers. i sometimes feel it from other people and also the nanny to give only breastmilk. i'm trying my best but if we have to give him some formula, we will just have to do that. i don't want to kill myself over this.... i was exclusively formula fed and i ended up ok! i'll try my best to breastfeed as long as possible but the pressure is too much sometimes.

on my first day back, julie dropped maki off at work around 4:30pm and i showed him around. my coworkers all thought he was so cute. 3 girls held him (2 are new moms of course). one girl made him laugh so hard! i wonder if it's because she has big fake blond hair! haha. the other days i got home by 6... usually close to 5:30. i was always rushing home - i couldn't wait to see my baby! except for tuesday. i had one glass of wine after the offsite during the cocktail hour. i had to network a little bit... i got home at 7:15 and was almost in tears that i only got to see him for 15 min before bedtime. that was hard. i couldn't wait for him to wake up the next day and spend time with him! i also haven't missed his bedtime yet and i don't think i can get myself to do that - not for a long time! if i have to go out, i'll just have to put him to bed at 7:30 first then go take care of whatever it is that i have to do. i can't stand the thought of maki going to bed and not seeing me or me seeing him. plus it's our family bonding time... mik and i have a bedtime routine going and don't want to mess that up. it's so special.. i look forward to it every night.

sorry, i've been behind on posting his pics... here are some of the latest: